As an update to this: I finally got around to doing it, and: It worked. For the first time in my life, from back in 2009 to today, I have an Evo X with no TPMS light on.
It is magical.
The app is terrible and horrible and it feels illegal and my Windows Defender flagged it as a virus, but it worked fine, and didn't break my SST.
God hates all of you